Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
