dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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