dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
