dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
