We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
