This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
