i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
