hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
