I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
