Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
