And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
