it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
