I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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