Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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