Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
