Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
It was confusing and full of hummus
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Randomize
