peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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