id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
