This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
