i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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