I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
