i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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