His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
