No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
