you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
