You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
jump out the window naked night went bad
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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