Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
