You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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