if i can run in heels then i can drive
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
