ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
