not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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