i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
