The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
