You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
