She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
