I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
