You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
