yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
