i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
