i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You ruined the universe
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
