trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
