Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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