I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
