Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
