and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
sex in a hospital.. check
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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