I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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