You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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