The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Mom said you looked used
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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