Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
