If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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