i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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